14th June 2010

I start to wonder where such thoughts come from. Could it be that with the events that have passed my life that I worry too much about losing what I have in this new found life I have recieved from last year?
I've never felt happier around such people, now I can truly say that I have friends. Of course my old friends are true friends but we've never been this close because we're all brothers. Brothers watch out for one another, but by nature we cannot get too close because men take care of themselves primarily. We were and we are men and we can mostly be there for each other in our hearts.
I guess I'm just afraid to lose the life I've recieved with all its blessings. However I'm still wondering if I'm cut out to handle and enjoy this life or was I meant to live alone like before?
I pray that Ican take it just as much as I can dish it.

12th June 2010

The actions we undertake shape our lives. Whether we succeed or fail, whether we stay on the right path or stray into the outer darkness. It shapes whether we make friends or lose them. Each wrong move, each innocent mistake takes us closer to losing people we know. Is that what life is about? Are we meant to live lives so materialistic that friends, people we know are just a constant blur in the face of change and time? Is life just another 'buisness prospect' where friends just come and go? If that is the life we are condemned to, then I don't want to live it....

I pray that it is not true, but my principle of logic-before-emotion just keeps telling me so with what it has seen....... Am I becoming an optimist, the very thing I have always viewed as mankind's worst mentality? Is my belief flawed? Have I been slowly been becoming an optimist without even knowing it? Could it be I'm just thinking too much? Is what i believe in truly real? Someone please help me...Someone please help me find the truth because I really don't know what to believe in anymore... I don't even know what I even believe in anymore. If there are any kind souls who are willing to help me, then I beg you to help me because I can't survive on my own any longer.

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11th June 2010

MST is finally over.... but I don't feel anything. CLS Discovery race was fun and I had a great time with those who volunteered! It also served as a reunion between us and Dao Seong and an opportunity to build new ties with ppl from 25. I'm currently still thinking of what homework to do first.... hmmmmm.......